This question threw me for a loop. Over the past few month, okay, over the past 6 months, this question has thrown me for a major loop. A needed to crawl under the covers and ponder, loop. A tried to hide behind a lamp post from God, loop. A how in this universe do I even answer this, loop.
‘What do you want’? A question so simple yet so loaded. Jesus asked the blind man, “what do you want me to do for you”? The Lord does not give blank cheques – wait a minute – God always does. The Lord always gives us blank cheques by the virtue of what Jesus did on the cross. The question then becomes ‘am I always aware of the power and authority God has given to me in Jesus Christ’. Am I aware of the blank cheques that I have?
The truth is I had not intentionally taken the time to take in the full weight of the allowance that the Lord makes available to me (What do you want). In fact, I do not think that I truly understand the full weight of this question. This is where the struggle lies. Do I know what I want?
I don’t want to list off things I think I want like a child writing a list for Santa Claus. I don’t want to state things just because I think those are the things I should want. I don’t want to answer this question foolishly, out of naivety, or ask for things in my life because I think the optics will look good to others. Outside of social expectations and cultural pressures, what do I want? Do I know what I want?
I need to sit with this. I need to sit in this. I need to allow myself to explore the depths of this. I need to look into the depths of me. Do I truly know what I want?
Beyond my current situation. Beyond what I think will gratify me right now. Beyond this phase of life I am in. Do I know what I want?
When God asked Solomon this question, Solomon asked for WISDOM, which became the foundation of his entire reign. When Jesus asked the blind man what he wanted, the blind man asked for his sight, and proceeded to follow Jesus using that sight.
So what do I want? Better yet. How are the things I want going to glorify God?
What do I want physically? How will it glorify God?
What do I want mentally? How will it glorify God?
What do I want financially? How will it glorify God?
What do I want emotionally? How will it glorify God?
What do I want spiritually? How will it glorify God?
“What do you want”? I was scared to explore this question because I was scared to give the wrong answer. However, as I write, I realize that You, Lord, already know my wants. You already know my desires. You already know my answers. You know my innermost thoughts. You even know the things that I do not know that I don’t know. So there is no point in hiding anything from You.
I am not sure of what I want yet, but I thank You for bringing me to this point of knowing, understanding, and revelation, I do not know what I want yet, but I know that You care about what I want, even more than I do.
So Lord, I will take the time to find out what I truly want, knowing that my knowing will bring glory to Your Name.
What do I want? Let us find out together.