"If you have never begged God to help you let go of someone, you have never truly loved"... I push myself to release, and each time I try, it is like trying to kill a part of me in many ways. You are a part of me.
I thought that this was a curse I would have to learn to live with for the rest of my life. So, I began to deal. I learned how to live life with the emptiness, the brokenness, the pain. I learned how to smile even when everything inside of me was weeping. I learned how to show the emotions that people wanted to see, needed to see, in order for them to be okay. I learned how to put on a facade so that I would fit in to what the world told me was acceptable. I learned how to say okay, show okay, live okay when everything inside me was bleeding out. Oh the insides. Inside were fragments and pieces of self that I did not even know how to put together. Inside were broken shards of a whole that were begging for restoration. Inside was a sad girl who could not find her way home, and even if she could, didn't know what home was anymore. Inside was hell, and all that I thought would save me, only pushed me down deeper. I was numb from the inside out, and I did not even know it... A year after January 10, almost like clockwork, the voice began to haunt me. I began to dread New Year' eve (my birthday), and the New Year... There was no light at the end of this never-ending tunnel.
Dear You, I have known you for as long as I can remember. I once heard a quote that says "There's a friend who sticks closer than a brother", and yes, that's us; though I am starting to doubt if I ever understood that proverb at all. I've been close with a lot of people,... Continue Reading →
Inspired by Aflame for God, by Smith Wigglesworth By desensitizing people to miracles, to divine manifestations, and to divine works, we as a people desire less of the works -calling them theatrics-, and focus more on the materialistic prosperity - calling them blessings- as signs of God's involvement. Nothing stops us from raising the dead... Continue Reading →
What are you afraid of? What keeps you up at night? Honestly, I have been scared. Scared, without realizing that I am afraid. Scared, with no certainty of what I am scared of. Scared, of the unknown. Scared, of what is to come. Often times, we say the right things, have the right answers, read... Continue Reading →
...Sometimes, to better understand where you are going, you need to look back on where you are coming from... Often times I forget the bondage from which I was freed. The bondage masked under pleasure. The bondage masked under 'societal norm'. The bondage masked under capitalism. The bondage masked under liberalism. The bondage which by... Continue Reading →
Transitioning between 2 activities in class... Student: Miss can I make a comment?. Me: Sure. Student: I don't know if I should. Me: Ok, then we can move on. Student: Ok, I'll say it. Me: Go ahead. Other Students: Don't do it. Me: (in my head - ok I'm amused or should I be... Continue Reading →
"Be Yourself, Everyone Else Is Already Taken" - Oscar Wilde "Nobody Can Make You Feel Inferior Without Your Consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt These quotes were ones I held onto in my life for some time. I remember as a teenager, going through so many changes emotionally, physically, and so much more; I repeated these... Continue Reading →
"On the hill far away, stood an old rugged Cross, the emblem of suffering and shame..." (Bennard, 1913). On the hill, on that Cross, was where the battle for my life was won. On the hill, on that Cross, was where my victory was taken back for me. On the hill, on that Cross, was where... Continue Reading →
The Word started it all, sustains it all, and will settle it all. The Word is the beginning, middle, and end. I was meditating on the Book of John, particularly John chapter 1. As I read this passage, taking the time to read, meditate on, and listen to each verse, I kept thinking of Genesis... Continue Reading →