"The Waiting Place for people just waiting. Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go, or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or a No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting"
I thought that this was a curse I would have to learn to live with for the rest of my life. So, I began to deal. I learned how to live life with the emptiness, the brokenness, the pain. I learned how to smile even when everything inside of me was weeping. I learned how to show the emotions that people wanted to see, needed to see, in order for them to be okay. I learned how to put on a facade so that I would fit in to what the world told me was acceptable. I learned how to say okay, show okay, live okay when everything inside me was bleeding out. Oh the insides. Inside were fragments and pieces of self that I did not even know how to put together. Inside were broken shards of a whole that were begging for restoration. Inside was a sad girl who could not find her way home, and even if she could, didn't know what home was anymore. Inside was hell, and all that I thought would save me, only pushed me down deeper. I was numb from the inside out, and I did not even know it... A year after January 10, almost like clockwork, the voice began to haunt me. I began to dread New Year' eve (my birthday), and the New Year... There was no light at the end of this never-ending tunnel.
The steering jerked to the right - towards the 18-wheeler. I watched in complete silence as the car spun towards the back end of the truck. I was so sure that we were going to SMASH into the back of the truck. And just as though we were in one of those Fast & Furious movies, the front end of the car glided right behind the back end of the truck, across 2 lanes. Ok, so we missed the truck, for sure we were ending up in the ditch. Wait, what were my hands doing? How were my hands moving? Apparently, I had been counter-steering - without realizing. The car began to spin the other way, across 3 lanes. Towards the concrete barriers at the median. At that point, either the concrete barriers would stop us or cars would smash into us from behind. It was a literal 'Jesus take the wheel' moment.
Nothing changes Yet nothing remains the same Each sway simple But its purpose unique The momentum, always timely
I would not think of the things that I own, nor of the things that I wished I could have. I would not think of the career I was able to attain, nor of the amount of money in my account. Instead, I would think of opportunities. Opportunities taken, opportunities missed. Opportunities to laugh, opportunities... Continue Reading →
So, how are you going to let yourself adapt? How will you allow yourself to see the good at the very center of your not so great situations? How are you going to allow yourself to heed the nudge that most often leads to inexplicable peace – though the path may be uncharted and rough?
As I went about my day and was winding down at work, I got restless with the noise of the world around me (this happens often - the world is a noisy place), and just wanted to retreat into a place where my soul could be edified with the words of Truth, with a focus... Continue Reading →
...Sometimes, to better understand where you are going, you need to look back on where you are coming from... Often times I forget the bondage from which I was freed. The bondage masked under pleasure. The bondage masked under 'societal norm'. The bondage masked under capitalism. The bondage masked under liberalism. The bondage which by... Continue Reading →
"On the hill far away, stood an old rugged Cross, the emblem of suffering and shame..." (Bennard, 1913). On the hill, on that Cross, was where the battle for my life was won. On the hill, on that Cross, was where my victory was taken back for me. On the hill, on that Cross, was where... Continue Reading →