Heart

I ask, ‘what is on Your heart’,
You say, “you”.
Me?
“Do you trust Me”, You say.
I am on Your heart, and You want to know if I trust You.
Do I?
Do I trust You?

My default response to such a question wants to jump out of my mouth.
My default response, like muscle memory, wants to shout out ‘YES!’
But…

I pause. I conduct a self assessment. I take my thoughts back. Back to:

My speech. Do I always speak like one who trusts You?
My interactions. Do I always behave as one who trusts You?
My attitude. Do I always act and react as one who trusts You?
My dreams. Do I dream as one who trusts You?
What if I take the time to explore my finances? Does it show that I trust You? In the way I spend? On the things I spend on? What about when I cannot get the things I “need” right away?

There are many areas where I fall short.
There are many areas in which I need to learn, to grow, to be disciplined.

But in it all
Amidst my perfect imperfections
Amidst all of my flaws;
I can say with deep confidence
I do.

I do trust You. Completely. Unequivocally.
With all of me that there is to give, and all of me that I am yet to know.
I trust You.
You are teaching me to completely abandon myself to You, and even in the learning
I trust You completely.

The truth is, I may drag my feet, talk too much, or take too long;
but when You say “go”, I will go.
Where You say “go”, I will go – even if going means staying.

You ask me if I trust You. “Do you trust me”, You say.
I ask myself
Do I trust You?

It is no longer a default response, but a conscious choice.
YES! A thousand times, YES.
I do trust You, cause You always have me on Your heart.
As I have You on mine.

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