I have known you for as long as I can remember. I once heard a quote that says “There’s a friend who sticks closer than a brother”, and yes, that’s us; though I am starting to doubt if I ever understood that proverb at all. I’ve been close with a lot of people, but you and I, our relationship runs blood deep. You and I have quite a special attachment.
Looking back at our journey thus far, it’s safe to say that I’ve treated you pretty well. As a matter of fact, more times than I can count, I’ve placed you ahead in anything and everything. Wouldn’t you agree?
When we were growing up, I always made sure that you were at the front of the line, even if you weren’t first. To the best of my ability, I made sure that you got the biggest, best, most comfortable of any situation in which we found ourselves, even at the expense of others most times. As we continued to grow, I noticed the little things that you liked. The little things that seemed to light you right up. So, I went after them vigorously.
You wanted attention, praise, craved fitting in while standing out; so I did everything in my power to see to it that you got those. You smiled bright when you were in the spotlight, so I maneuvered you into it in whatever way that I could. You like only certain sides of you being shown, so I only allowed others access to the areas that showed your very best. Everybody would say that you were ‘living your best life’ – Fearless – Adventurous – Bold.
But, do they really know you? For when you struggled, when the times got tough, I did everything I could to keep that our little secret. I have tried everything that I can to make you happy. Sure, it was easier when you were younger cause all I had to do was suggest a tantrum. But as you get older, it’s hard to bend others to your will discreetly, and tantrums, well, those are for children.
See, you want to keep winning, you want to keep getting your way – all while looking ‘humble and unassuming’, and that gets tricky. Not to mention, exhausting. You rarely stop to give thought to the consequences of your actions. You never consider what tomorrow may bring. You react more than you are proactive. You never seem to be able to care deeply about anything that does not benefit you.
Sigh. I have said more than a few harsh words on your behalf to others we are supposed to care about. I have broken one heart too many, of persons that I love. All because that is what you wanted. You never warned me about the mess. You never warned me that words spoken cannot be unsaid, and deeds done cannot be undone. It hurt me to hurt others on your behalf, but I loved you that much. I still love you very much, but, I cannot keep living like this. I cannot keep living for you.
I have let you control us for too long. Your imprint is clearly visible in the driver’s seat. You always insisted that if I just keep you happy, then I would be happy; but it doesn’t seem that simple with you, no matter what I try. I can now clearly see that you cannot be trusted. You keep insisting that you know the way that we should go, but I think that your NAV system is broken because, you always seem to drive us into dead ends.
So, I looked into other options. The search wasn’t easy, but I have hope that it will be worth it. I have decided to begin a journey down a different path. This path is narrow and difficult. Not many people choose it. There is no easy way to say this, but I cannot bring you along. This path requires that I take it alone, but I won’t ever be alone. There are Guides the whole step of the way, and that’s the difficulty of the path. It requires that I walk, not run nor fly. No, I must simply walk. Having gotten so used to you driving for so long, there are many things I’ll need to learn. The greatest of all being learning how to walk. But I must. I must learn to walk down this path because in it lies real, full, abundant life.
With you, I was simply existing, but this path offers me the ability to start living. Dear you, this is the end of You and I. From now on, it’s simply I, because
"I have been crucified with Christ, nevertheless, I live. The life I now live, I live by the Son of God who loves me and gave His life for me." - Galatians 2:20
With all of my love,